Getting Over A Breakup: 6 Steps That Will Help You Cope With Heartache
It’s Gonna Suck, But You’ll Be Fine
I was once told, after my first epic heartbreak, that I would never feel as horrible as I was feeling again; that my future breakups would be easier to handle.
That was partly true, but also total bullsh*t.
Sorry, but a broken heart never stops feeling terrible, no matter how many times you’ve experienced it. What is true, however, is that you do gain perspective after that first horrendous experience.
But, sometimes we all need a little reminder of how to get through the next few days, weeks, months…
You need alone time in order to remember what it is like not to have this person in your life.
Whether you realize it or not, this person became part of your every day routine. With my most recent serious relationship, I remember how he’d text me around lunchtime to check in and call me on his way home from work to make some sort of dinner plans, or I’d just go back to my house and we’d text throughout the evening.
He lived with my childhood friend (who introduced us), and we spent a lot of time together. Hey, we were best friends.
When we broke up, the best thing I did for myself was take some alone time.
Whether this means heading to the bookstore to stock up on books, having Netflix marathons, or snuggling up on your parents’ or best friend’s couch and allowing yourself to breathe for a bit, detoxing from your addiction is essential.
You were just fine for the years leading up to meeting this person, and you’ll be just fine in the years after.
2. Get the hell off social media
I would never tell someone they had to delete their ex from social media.
However, you can hide that person so they aren’t constantly popping up in your newsfeed. If you’re the type that will obsessively see if he/she is dating someone new or what he/she did last night, then I do suggest unfriending that person for now.
The only reason I don’t outwardly tell someone they have to delete their ex is because it can cause unnecessary drama.
The best way to deal with social media during this time is to limit yourself with how often you scroll through your newsfeed.
Since social media is an addiction in itself, I suggest keeping yourself really busy. Which leads me to this next point:
3. Surround Yourself With Good Friends
I know an awful lot of people who put their friends on the back-burner when they get into serious relationships. First of all, that’s a huge mistake and you’re an asshole for doing it, but that’s a topic for another article.
Second, if they are your true friends, a big “I’m sorry, and I need you right now,” will suffice.
I’ve never turned away a friend I love who is need, no matter how swept up in their now-broken relationship they got.
This is the time to make plans with friends. Whether you decide to take a huge camping trip or to simply cook dinner at someone’s house on a Friday night, being around people who love you and want the best for you is the key to your recovery.
4. Put Down The Bottle
While it’s tempting to pour an entire bottle of wine into a Starbucks Trenta cup and mask your sorrows in happy juice, you should probably know by now that alcohol is a depressant.
Not only will you wind up thinking “WTF YOLO” and texting or calling your ex at 2am, you will also wake up feeling ten times worse than you already do.
If unwinding with a glass of wine is just what you need at the end of the day, then that is up to you, of course.
But I suggest limiting your wine intake to just one glass. I mean one 6 oz. glass. A giant tumbler does not count as one glass.
By limiting yourself to just one glass (or none), you won’t wake up feeling hungover on Sunday morning, and you’ll be able to do things like head to the beach with your best friend or drive out to wherever your heart desires and relax.
5. Do Not Jump Into Another Relationship
I know way, way too many people who do this, and they often just look kind of pathetic.
I completely understand the urge to immediately date someone else, though. You want your ex to know just how over him/her you are. And it’s a distraction, and distractions seem to be a good thing, right?
Wrong (well, at least in this case).
You would be dating this new person for the wrong reasons. Even if this is a great guy/girl, if something were to happen, whether it be a fight or an action that triggers memories of your ex, you haven’t taken the time to strengthen yourself after your last breakup, and you can find yourself in way more pain than expected.
Or, even sh*ttier, you’ll end up hurting this new person really badly, because you weren’t actually ready to get serious with someone again.
In order to actually heal and be ready to meet someone new, you have to take time to conquer the discomfort that comes with being alone.
Girls or guys who are constantly in relationships, bouncing from one to another with short periods of time in between, tend to get their validation from whom they are currently dating, because they aren’t comfortable being single.
When you are able to find comfort in being alone for a substantial amount of time, your head will be clear when you finally do begin seeing someone new.
6. Get Back To Your Routine
Like I said earlier, you were fine for the years leading up to meeting this person, and you’ll be fine in the years after. So getting back to your usual routine will make you feel like life has gone back to normal after this hurricane of emotions.
Wake up early, get your day started, and fill it with positive people and the things you love doing the most.
Run your errands, head to the gym, and hang out with your friends whom you used to always make time for pre-relatonship.
If you were able to live your day-to-day life without this person before, you’ll be able to live it without him/her now that it’s over. It will take time, obviously.
And the best thing you can do at this time is be patient with yourself. It won’t be perfect, it won’t always be easy, and you’ll stumble a bit when trying to stand back up on your own.
The silver lining is that this discomfort is all temporary, and you will be just fine.